Hidden Desires
by Aquitaine85
Summary: Peter helps Assumpta clean up the pub one night when a poignant song on the radio makes it harder for them to resist getting close to each other. Set during series 3. My first ever fic :)


_This is my first fanfic ever. I have been a long time reader but never wanted to write anything. It is fitting my first ever fic is about BallyK because it was the first TV show I really fell in love with and the one through which I discovered the world of fan fiction (because I was so traumatised by the end of season 3!)_

_This idea came to me when listening to the song 'Burn for You' by John Farnham, a beautiful song I suggest you listen too on You Tube (it will set the mood for this fic) whose lyrics I thought fitted perfectly with the Peter/Assumpta situation, hence my use of them in this story._

_This story fits somewhere near the end of season 3. Leo has left and Assumpta's marriage is over. Peter has been on retreat and returned knowing full well it hasn't made any difference. Also for the purposes of this story please assume that when Assumpta returned to BallyK after ending things with Leo, Peter was still there, that he hadn't yet heard about his mother's illness._

_Disclaimer- I own nothing of John Farnham's excellent song or the characters of Ballykissangel. (If I did things would have gone very differently)_

It was late at night and Peter, dressed in jeans, long chequered shirt and a thick jacket against the cold air, was walking through the village trying to clear his head. Leo had been gone for a few weeks now and Assumpta, after following him, had returned home alone. Peter didn't know the details, being too scared to ask Assumpta directly, but he was able to piece together enough from what others had told him; their marriage was over and Leo was gone for good.

Peter had to admit this filled him with a sense of elation he had no right to feel, but also a sense of dread. Since returning from retreat he had been confronted with more and more thoughts and dreams that where rocking the foundation of his faith, and his continued affection for Assumpta was the strongest one. Now Leo was gone he no longer had his presence keeping him at arms length. Leo had proved a constant reminder to Peter that whatever he and Assumpta had, or would ever have, was over now. Like a bucket if ice water thrown over his passion for the publican every time he saw them together. However with Leo gone his turmoil of emotions was proving harder and harder to control...

As he walked past the pub, deep in thought, his head automatically turned to the front door, a habit he had been unable to break for many months now, any chance to try and catch a glimpse of her. This time however the door was open and he saw Assumpta moving about inside surrounded by the mammoth task of cleaning up a deserted pub. Peter couldn't help it; he just stood there in the open doorway staring at her. She looked so beautiful that he couldn't drag his eyes away. God knows how long he stood there watching her; it could have been hours for all he knew. It wasn't until she abruptly turned to the door and saw him standing there that he even realized he had been staring.

"Umm hi. Sorry we're closed" Assumpta said, a little shocked to find the person she herself had been daydreaming about standing in her doorway.

Peter quickly tried to recover his composure and hide the look of longing he knew must be visible on his face.

"Oh yeah, I know, was just passing and saw the light was on. Busy night?" He stepped through the doorway and surveyed the chaotic mess around him.

"Yeah they were on fine form tonight. Reminiscing was the name of the game this evening" she commented as she continued to collect dirty glasses in a vain attempt to hide her nervousness at being alone with Peter.

Assumpta hadn't been on her own with him since her return to BallyK. She knew he had been avoiding the pub when Leo was around, who could blame him? However neither had really had the chance to speak since Leo had left. She hated to admit how much she missed him. She had seen him of course, but there was safety in numbers. With witnesses around there was less chance of saying or doing something irreversible, or getting her heart broken all over again. The effect he had on her, especially when they were alone, was frightening and she found it best to avoid those situations all together. It was getting harder and harder to control herself around him. With Leo gone she had moments where she would seriously ask herself, "What's stopping you?" then she would remember his collar and it would all come rushing back.

"So...you want a hand?" Peter asked in an attempt to cover the awkward silence which had thickened the air between them.

"Sure, though I can't afford to pay you" Assumpta retorted in an attempt to lighten the mood

"Consider it my penance" Peter mumbled under his breathe as he turned around and took off his jacket. Assumpta stopped and looked at his turned back as he began to gather glasses, wandering what he meant and whether or not he had intended for her to hear him.

The silence continued as they both gathered glasses, dishes and scraps from the full tables. Unlike pervious times in their friendship the silence between them was anything but comfortable. Too much pain had been caused on both sides and their emotions were too raw for them to drift easily back into the comfortable banter they had once enjoyed. The air was thick with unresolved tension and issues dying to be voiced, but unable to be mentioned.

In an attempt to dispel the quite that was beginning to press in on her mind Assumpta hit the 'on' button on the radio behind the bar as she took another load of dirty dishes into the kitchen. Peter started at the sudden sound of music; so lost in his own thoughts he hadn't seen Assumpta turn the radio on. Some easy listening station was playing an 80's classic and the music filled the bar, at least in part hiding the fact that neither had anything to say to each other.

As the song ended another equally forgettable tune filled the silence. As Peter went to take another armful of dishes into the kitchen Assumpta was on her way out and they both nearly crashed into each other in the doorway. They both managed to stop themselves colliding before actual physical contact was made but the damage was done as the air intensified around them at their closeness. Assumpta began to feel the colour rise in her checks and Peter felt his stomach turn into knots as he looked down at her. In an attempt to break the mounting tension they both mumbled a quick "sorry" and made to move around each other, making very sure they didn't touch.

As Peter made his way into the kitchen to drop off the dirty dishes he felt himself begin to shake on the inside. This closeness to her was beginning to take its toll and there was only so much tidying up that could take his mind off of her. He needed to begin a conversation before he went mad.

"So, what were they reminiscing about?"

"Sorry?" A startled Assumpta looked up from behind the bar where she had been staking empty bottles, surprised that Peter was attempting to start a conversation

"Tonight, you said they were in a reminiscing mood, what were they reminiscing about?"

"Oh you know all kinds of everything. Stories of the old days, and not so old days."

"Oh"

That seemed to be the end of the conversation. However Assumpta could see how uncomfortable Peter was becoming and since the cleaning up was almost finished she was scared he would use it as an excuse to leave, and despite the uncomfortable atmosphere surrounding them she didn't want him to go.

"They were telling me about Padraig transforming the old dance hall into something of its former glory a few months ago" Assumpta said in a vain attempt to keep the conversation going.

Peter came back out into the bar and looked at her with a confused expression. "When was that? Where was I?"

Once the words were spoken they both suddenly realized exactly why neither of them where there at this particular event, and what had proceeded their mutual departure from BallyK. An even more uncomfortable silence followed as Assumpta turned around and Peter looked down at his shoes both avoiding the other's eyes, the memories of that time still too painful to dwell on.

Assumpta tried to salvage the conversation "Yeah apparently it was a great night. Even Kathleen put in an appearance. Padraig managed to find a green sequined jacket and was quite the event organizer from what I heard"

This got Peter's attention "Where on earth did he get a green sequined jacket from?" And that proved the watershed. Assumpta spent the next 15 minutes telling Peter the stories from that night, as related to her earlier that evening by the drunken regulars. They managed to slip into easy conversation and both momentarily forgot about their awkwardness. By the time they got to the subject of Brendan's dancing prowess they where both standing at the kitchen sink, Assumpta washing the dishes and Peter drying.

Peter let out a hearty laugh, and Assumpta wondered when the last time was she has seen him laugh like that, I mean really laugh.

"You mean to say Brendan actually did the funky chicken? In front of everyone? No way! I don't believe it!"

Both began to laugh in earnest now, sharing in their mutual wish that the event in question had been recorded for future blackmail purposes.

"Well at least he can dance; I can't dance to save my life!" Assumpta casually commented

"Don't give me that" Peter replied taking another wet plate from her. "Everyone can dance"

"Well I can't, no rhythm in these shoes"

"Its not in the shoes, it's in the soul." Peter replied, surprising himself at the deepness of his response. In an attempt to cover it up and keep the conversation light he continued quickly, "What I mean is it's just a matter of swinging in time with the music, everyone can do that."

"Well I can't." she said plunging her hands back into the soapy water.

"Come on I dare you, give it a go. Look there's no one here to make fun of you if you fall, except me and I won't tell anyone, I promise"

He was looking at her with his crooked half smile that she so adored and she felt her resolve melt. He could have asked her to do anything in that moment and she would have agreed. Damn the power he had over her!

In an effort to deflect the challenge she curtly replied "Well go on then, if it's so easy! Give us a twirl"

Peter laughed at her retort and proceeded to twirl around the kitchen table with a tea towel in one hand and a dinner plate in the other.

Assumpta couldn't help but snort with laughter. Peter's tall frame doing pirouettes around the table was defiantly a sight to see. And she did see, despite the ridiculousness of the situation, she couldn't help but watch him, so carefree in her kitchen, it made her stomach do pirouettes of their own.

He stopped and smiled at her.

"OK your turn now"

"No I'm fine thanks" she said turning back to the sink, trying to hide her embarrassment at being caught staring at him, again.

"Come on, I did it, it's your turn now!"

"I cant, I told you I can't"

"Yes you can you just need to practice, here"

And without stopping to think about it he grabbed her two hands from the sink and proceeded to lead her out into the bar. Her insides jumped at the contact, and Peter felt an electric shock go through him as he grabbed her hands. He had a fleeting thought that this wasn't a good idea but he squashed that thought as quickly as it came, acknowledging that this was the most carefree he had felt in a long time.

The radio was still playing in the background, some upbeat number by ABBA, as they reached the open space in front of the bar. Peter stood about two feet in front of her and held one of her hands in each of his and said "Now watch my feet"

They both looked down as he began to simply step from side to side in time with the music. Assumpta smiled at his childishness and followed his lead. They laughed at each others lack of rhythm and admonished each other when toes where accidentally stepped on. Peter began to lead her around the bar swaying in time to the music, both still standing about a foot apart, their hands joined in the middle.

At one point, when Assumpta stood on Peter's foot for a third time, which caused no end of giggles from her and mock indignation from him, they moved even closer together, neither making any attempt to widen the gap. When the song ended they were back it the centre of the pub, still hand in hand, but now only a few inches apart. Both where smiling and flushed and as Assumpta looked up into Peter's eyes, they both felt it, that incredible electricity that passed between them, that moment when their heartbeats began to race and their breathing became laboured. Assumpta could feel Peters warm breathe on her face as she looked up at him, and despite the rising tension neither could stop smiling. Then the DJ on the radio stopped taking and a slow love song filled the air…

_I got myself into some trouble tonight  
Guess I'm just feeling blue  
It's been so long since I've seen your face  
This distance between me and you…_

The lyrics filled Peter's head as he stared down at Assumpta. He was filled with a sense of 'now or never' mentality and despite the better angel in his head screaming at him to run he took Assumpta's left hand and slowly rose it up and placed it on his left shoulder.

Assumpta knew what he was doing and didn't dare breathe in case it awoke them both from this dream. She stared into his eyes, holding his intense gaze as he then placed, very carefully, and ever so lightly, his left hand on her waist just below her ribs. If she hadn't seen his arm move she would have doubted he was touching her at all. Their other hands, still held tightly together, Peter bought up close to their faces and took a small step towards her. Assumpta's let out a ragged breathe she didn't even know she's been holding and reciprocated the movement so that their ribcages were now almost touching.

_That voice you showed me is not the one I know  
I must be strung out on what I do  
Don't hang up again  
There's nothing else I know how to do…_

Peter smiled down at her then began to sway her in time with the music. As the song progressed they moved closer and closer to each until nearly the full length of their bodies was touching, still swaying slightly to the music. Peter closed his eyes in a vain attempt to control his breathing and raging heart, his left hand holding steady, and refraining from wandering away from that safe spot on her waist, terrified that if he allowed it to move, Gods know what would happen next. He breathed in deeply, the smell of her hair invading his lungs, and relished in the feeling of her so close.

_But I burn for you  
What am I going to do  
I burn for you  
Burn for you…_

Assumpta couldn't believe this was happening. She had never felt so alive, every nerve ending was tingling. She could feel Peter's rapid heartbeat, and knew her own was just as manic. She felt him take a deep breathe and then exhale, the warm air tickling the hair by her face and she closed her eyes at the feeling. Wanting to be even closer she finally relented to the last ounce of her self control and lent her cheek against his chest, resting the top of her head into the hollow at the base of his throat. She felt surrounded by him, by his arms, by his scent. She felt truly safe, warm and content, possibly for the first time in her entire life.

The song continued in the background and the lyrics weren't lost on either of them as they continued to sway together as one.

_I guess it feels like you're always alone  
And I feel that way too  
It's so hard to explain to you  
Please understand what I do_

_Took my trouble to a bar tonight_  
_For another point of view_  
_But there's nothing new_  
_I'm missing you_

_But I burn for you_  
_What am I going to do_  
_I burn for you_  
_Burn for you_

As the song ended and the DJ began talking again, the spell was broken and Peter leaned back slightly, reluctant to let her go completely. He looked down at her just as Assumpta raised her head from his chest ad looked up at hm. They were so close their hot breathe was mingling in the thick air between them. For the first time, possibly ever, they looked at each other without any reservations. Visible in each set of eyes was the longing, passion, hurt and unbridled love that they felt for each other. The carefully constructed walls between them were fast beginning to crumble.

They continued to stare into each others eyes, getting lost in their depths. The air was now throbbing around them, becoming too much for either of them to contain. Their legs felt as if they would give way and their stomachs turned to liquid as they stood pressed up against each other, Peter still holding onto Assumpta's waist, and Assumpta still holding onto Peter's shoulder.

Assumpta didn't dare move in case she frightened him off and was scared of breaking this beautifully exquisite yet painful embrace.

Peter was the first to move. Unable to take the palpable tension any longer he lowered his head towards her. For a brief moment Assumpta thought he was going to kiss her, but instead Peter pressed his forehead to hers and squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't handle all the feelings churning up inside him. His constant battle to control his feelings was a war he knew he was loosing and yet he couldn't bare to move away from her. His undeniable love for this woman, his need to hold her, was winning out against his better judgement, yet he had to admit he didn't want to try and control these desires anymore. He wanted her so badly it physically hurt.

Assumpta wanted to say something, anything to try and take way the obvious pain Peter was in. Then she heard him say, in a very shaky, hoarse whisper,

"…God help me"

Feeling his hot breathe on her face was nearly Assumpta's undoing. She felt her knees buckle and she did the only thing she could do. She was so desperately in love with this man, who was so obviously loosing a raging battle in his head, she wanted to comfort him, tell him it was ok. So she looked at his closed eyes and began by whispering his name, but that was as far as she got.

"Peter..."

It was the tone of her voice that was his undoing. In the way she said that one word Peter heard all the pain and desire she felt, mirrored in his own heart. With that one word the carefully constructed walls around Peter's heart came crashing down and he couldn't take it anymore. He needed her, he needed all of her, now.

Without even opening his eyes he pushed his head forward and bought his lips crashing down onto hers. A strangled moan escaped the back of someone's throat at the contact, though who uttered the noise neither knew. The intensity that broke through at that first contact was electrifying and terrifying. Both knew there as no going back now.

Peter was beyond rational thought, at least beyond the thought of how soft her lips where against his, how hot her breathe was in his mouth and how much he wanted her.

Assumpta let all her desires fly free at the feeling of his lips on hers. She moved her hand up from his shoulder into his hair eliciting a deep throaty moan from Peter which egged her on further. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip and he opened his mouth in response and their tongues collided. The kiss became hotter and more passionate, neither willing or able to rein in their desire now this final vestige of self control had been breached.

Assumpta pulled away slightly in an attempt to draw breathe but found her mouth instantly recaptured by Peter. His hand which had been holding hers now moved up into her hair, getting caught in her thick curls, and holding her to him. He pushed his whole body up against her, and she reciprocated, causing a tidal wave of raw hot desire to spread through his body, settling in his lower stomach. He didn't care that Assumpta would most definitely be able to feel evidence of his mounting desire, in fact it just made him want her more as she pushed harder up against him.

As Assumpta pushed harder up against Peter's body she felt his reaction to her and this elicited another moan from her lips. Knowing she had such an effect on him gave her such a rush she wanted all of him now and damn the consequences. Peter felt the vibrations of her moan through his lips and down the entire length of his body. Assumpta had now hooked her two hands at the base of his neck and was desperately trying to draw him even closer.

Their embrace was rapidly descending to the point of no return as Peter began to feel his resolve slipping. Despite his wish to kiss her he had no intention to go further than that. His lack of vocation didn't mean a lack of faith and she was worth more to him than that. Their love was worth more to him than that. So with a mammoth effort he pulled away from her lips, all red and swollen from their embrace, and looked into her eyes, heavy lidded and clouded with passion, knowing his must look exactly the same.

They stood there in silence and held each other, staring at each other, neither wanting to let go as their ragged breathing slowed. Peter knew that if their lips met, just one more time, he wouldn't be able to leave. So doing the hardest thing he had ever had to do, he slowly retracted his hands from her waist and hair.

Assumpta looked at him through the cloud of longing that was fogging her brain and knew what he was thinking because she was thinking it too. She didn't want this to turn into a passion fuelled romp that would be regretted later. The love between them needed to be resolved for sure, but in such a way as not to hurt either of them further. So she slowly released her grip on his neck and took a small step back.

Peter continued to stare at her, a look full of pain, love and longing. They continued like this for a few moments, just looking, neither saying a word, both more aroused and yet more lonely then they had ever been.

Peter decided he had to leave before the pain in his heart caused him to reach out for her again. So with one last look he turned around and without another word walked out into the cold night air, leaving Assumpta alone in the bar staring at the empty door way, with the radio playing softly in the background.

_Like I said, my first fanfic ever so I would love to hear your comments. _

_The small loyal band of BallyK fanfic readers on this site are such a supportive bunch, it's the main reason I took this leap of faith and posted this story._

_I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review _


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